I wonder to the wonder of your skin
sun touched and pink
beneath my fingertips
Roused by a memory of memories
reaching heights of loves sweet
play on soul
I have never posted my music here, which is one of my biggest writing outlets.
I am posting this one as this is still where I am at.
In with knowing and out with pain.
Tonight I feel
full of fear
fear of the what if’s
the how comes.
I have to take my mind
to free myself
by accepting that tonight
I feel lonely.
I cuddle lonely
not to change
but to simply
Tonight I write to you dark whisper
Tonight I take you in your chaos and hold onto the nightmare to tell you,
you are no different
No different than me
Yet your bright eyes tell me you are unique in reasoning and the touch of you I crave knowing tomorrows light would show all to be just as grave
For I am nothing without moonlight
I am nothing without the liquid of fermented earth
I am only the telling of the you I see
The touch craved
The night held close
The hearts grave spotted.
I never once took him for granted. Although he would have told you otherwise, that son of a bitch. “You don’t care about me. “ He would whine after an argument that began over dirty dishes and backed up toilets.
Don’t get me wrong he was a good man in the beginning when he rode me hard and kept his mouth shut. But soon after we married he began to feel and in feeling he began to smother me with questions of whether or not I loved him. Did I need him? Why wasn’t I coming home at night? I mean shit, I can only take so much questioning before I bark, “Look sissy, I don’t give a shit if you feel like I should snuggle you more after sex or spend time with you at night balancing the check book! If I wanted someone so damn soft and pink I would be with a woman!”
A spine, yes a spine is what he needs and I just don’t have the time or energy to give it to him. If he beat me I’d be better off. At least then I could call him a man. At least then I could look him in the eye . Shit, I’d even let the fear keep me home. Something. Anything to keep me home. Right now all that resides there is his damn pathetic whine. Waiting to blame me and beg me not take his love for granted.
Me? Take anything for granted? See, it goes to show that mother fucker doesn’t know me at all. Not one bit.
The words are tight in my chest today. Tight from holding them in as I survive another holiday. Another attack of thoughts and color. Sound that overwhelms and makes you grind your teeth at others. No one in particular. Grinding at all who walk by. All who ask why. All who are all. All including myself. I grind my teeth at myself the most. Continuous grit of sounds deep in the eardrum. I fling them from my mind now in tantrums of tingly emotion. I exhale and ask to have peace with my irritable self today.
out of blue and crimson sunset
give me the breaks and she
will grind them.
He and they walk
ask give take
why the fuck not why the fuck so
Let go, let go, breathe and remember to remember to remember to
take toes dipped
in sunlight driven by lust of gold
she stumbles, I catch.
Melody given to me…I breathe
I take it in in small sips of sound…sip…sip….feel and feel again
taken to another time with the turn
of the phrase and the moan
of the violin stringed monster
of love and honor.
Tonight I take in my own mind and call it
like I listen to the song I listen
to the melody of me
turn on tune.