Be nice

“You don’t need to be fixed. You need to be nice.” That is what I tell my ex-husband as he sits on the phone leting me know of the anger  he is unleashing on others due to financial fear. He is hurting financially and is watching himself painfully take it out on her.  Have I mentioned this is the same man that abused me years before?

And I sit here on the phone with him wondering who in the world is this person?

Why am I listening to him tell me the same yuck I once lived in?

He truly does have a heart of gold and I have always seen this. Everyone can see this. His heart is not the problem. It is his temper which is in his brain.

He suffers from depressive and manic episodes like many other artists. But that is just it, he doesnt claim himself an artis and he is still trying to make it in that other world. The one that messures you up to all the ‘things’ you have given up your time for.

So he is blocked and sitting in the stew of this bubbling anger lashing out at all who try to help him or ask him what is wrong. Because he hates that he doesn’t have ‘it’ (money) figured out. How can he be good enough to himself to love anyone else, if he has no money and is having a hard time paying the rent? We had a hard time paying the rent when I was with him as well and I saw the dark anger that fear brings out in him.

He tells me how they all want to fix him. And I feel his pain, the man who never felt mine. The man who’s fist was quick as his fear. I sit and I feel his pain and all I can think to say is. . . “You don’t need to be fixed. You need to be nice.”

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