I am here in worlds driven by my family. Realities put into my brain by the acting out of others memories put in their brains by others with memories put in and so on and so on. . . over and over again. I am expected to choose a reality and I feel the pressure of this growing as I get older, I thought when I was younger that as you got older no one told you what to do anymore. Thats what we are told, “wait until you grow up.” Well when you grow up they tell you that it was all great in the younger years and that, that was your chance to do what you wanted.Either way you are screwed, missed your chance, so settle in. I am screwed. I have nothing in me that is concrete on a religion except to love and to be loved. . . yeah yeah in return and shit, but no, to really love even if no one loves you back. . . love even if you cannot love yourself. . . try try try again. . . maybe one day I will not try so hard. I will then be gently used and lovable.